If you’ve followed along with my writing for any length of time, you know I love writing. It’s also one of the hardest things I do. Writing is hard work plain and simple. To give reader’s an emotional experience I have to dig deep. I need to cry. I’ll want to chortle. For any emotion to resonate, I have to be willing to go there.  (Be sure to read to the end if you’re interested in a giveaway of the books in the Hidden Justice series.)

For some books that’s relatively easy. I’m writing a book set in WWII on the home front. There’s rationing. There’s boys going to war. But there’s also dances. And games. And the importance of family.

Then there are the books that require deep things from me. Delayed Justice was one of those books. Jaime Nichols was a character who was shy to make her story known. In Beyond Justice, she said a few snarky lines and gratefully slid into the shadows. In Imperfect Justice, she hinted at darker secrets, but kept her difference. But in Delayed Justice her story erupted. It oozed with pain and angst…and to get her to a point of healing and hope, I had to walk through the pain, too.

That meant I had to research the lingering effects of childhood abuse on adults. I had to explore the trauma’s impacts in emotional and physical ways. I had to talk with survivors and read their stories, so I could honor their experience in the telling of Jaime’s. I also wanted to write the story in a way that conveys hope without triggering those who may have experienced the painful realities.

To do that I balanced Jaime’s journey with her stand-offish cat Simba and a lovable Golden Retriever named Aslan. The two of them provided comic relief and a mirror for the growing friendship between Jaime and Chandler Bolton. The animals also reflect the shifting nature of Jaime’s spiritual journey. I also surrounded Jaime with friends, and made sure she couldn’t escape one. It was impossible for her to continue to hide behind a mask when Caroline is around. We all need friends like that, don’t we?

The other element that made Delayed Justice a challenge to write is that Jaime doesn’t know God as her personal Father. She’s heard about Him from her friends, but He’s not good and He’s not safe. If He were, He would have protected her. As I was writing Delayed Justice I was wrestling with those questions in a very personal way. I’ll be writing more about that in the coming weeks, what God’s been showing me and what I’m trying to learn. But God actually used the writing of this story to allow me to wrestle with some of these hard questions. Where is God when things don’t go well? When we obey and follow Him and He drops us off the cliff? Where is He when we’re hurt or abused? How do we reconcile that reality of living in a fallen world with the truth that He is good?

These are hard questions. They don’t have easy answers.

And Jaime wrestles with them, just as I wrestle with them. Maybe you do, too.

Isn’t that what a faith journey is about?

Some days we are running down the path God has in front of us. The path is clear. The light shines brightly and I can see Him. I can see His smile. I can feel the warmth of His love.

Then there are other days, weeks, and months, where the path is shrouded in fog and darkness. In those days my journal is filled with questions. God, where are You? What did I do? What am I supposed to learn? Help me follow You when I  can’t find You or see You. These are the days that faith is hard. Some days I have wrestled to continue believing what I know is true, when my heart is broken and hurting.

But I’m finding after the deconstruction comes reconstruction. It’s hard work, but God meets me in it.

Jaime gets to discover some of that truth too. And like the Beaver says in The Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe, Aslan isn’t safe, but he’s good and he’s the king.

As part of this look back at the Hidden Justice series, I’m hosting a giveaway of each book in the series. Winners will have their choice. Be sure to participate!

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