This week we’ve had some major announcements in our world. Good, but really challenging for me personally. My husband will be switching jobs next month, and God in His graciousness made it so clear to us collectively that this change was a step of obedience. But the change is pushing against all of my fears and inadequacies. It involves a change into one of the things I said I could never do or be. I am so careful to never (pun intended) say things like that anymore, but it doesn’t change the fact that this change pushes against my deepest fears and insecurities.
As a first-born, people pleaser who wants to meet everyone’s needs, this change is terrifying because I KNOW I can’t. But that doesn’t change the fact that I anticipate expectations that I know I will be unable to meet from the moment I will be unable to meet — there simply isn’t margin in my life to add another ministry that isn’t mine.
That’s why this chapter was such an excellent reminder for me.
I haven’t been good for the last two weeks. Ever since I returned from Italy I have been living in a state of anxiety for this impending change. I know in my heart and mind that fear is not from God. I know that this change will be good. But I feel trapped, and not at all in a place to live that wild life God has called me to. Can anyone else relate? (Please tell me I’m not alone, though it’s better for you if I am!).
I need to soak into the reminder that God calls me GOOD. That when I am living the life He has called me to I am GOOD. That other people’s expectations don’t matter when I am walking His path for me.
Tob is the Hebrew word our Father used when it was all finished: Beautiful, pleasant, rich, better, best.
In this chapter, Jess talks about how we keep sinning…even though God calls us good. How we see the things we’re doing that we don’t like, and we just can’t stop. We sound so much like Paul…I know what I should do, but I can’t stop doing what I shouldn’t. “God cannot, in His perfect nature, make things that are busted or flawed.” But I am busted and flawed. Don’t you love a fallen world?
Our divine identity as good propels us forward into the mission of good. P. 109.
We have purpose, God conceived us with an objective, He gave us gifts and callings. We are here for a purpose to do good works for God. She issues a great reminder to not be sidetracked because God isn’t surprised that we are human and broken and fallen. He wants to use us anyway. “You are not a tool but a treasure. You are not a pawn but na appointed ambassador of a holy nation.”
We’ve been created intentionally and told we can be at ease, not striving or toiling or spinning, not continually looking behind us or apologizing as we go. Moreover, we’ve been given purpose and calling and equipped with individualized gift for our specified areas of the kingdom of God. We are not trapped in broken identities or expectations. We are wild and free. We are good.
The part of we have a specified areas in the kingdom is what I need to cling to right now. I have worked long and hard to understand what God’s purpose for my life is right now in this time and moment. He has been clear. My husband and I are in agreement. That is where I am to minister. To take on anything else would be sin, because it is not where God has for me right now. when I focus there, I can ignore the siren call to be all and do all. I have no margin. God has given me enough for the call He has for me right now in this moment.
I hope that encourages you, too. How do you fall into His call for you and the knowledge that He made you good?