We’re in a season as a family where a lot has changed. After twelve years, I’m not homeschooling.

It has honestly been odd.

And the kids have been amazing.

But what’s caught me off guard is the word several people have used to describe that decision.

BRAVE.

People keep calling me BRAVE in this season.

I don’t feel BRAVE.

I feel worn out. Alone. Afraid of what’s coming next. The unknown.

I want to be BRAVE, but it’s not a label I’d used for myself.

Where other people see BRAVE, I see a last ditch effort. An admission that life had to change, but also the fear I’m changing it in the wrong ways. Where people see BRAVE, I wonder if I heard God. Did I make the right choice? Did I take the easy way out?

Where other people see BRAVE, I see fingers struggling to RELEASE all that I’ve known. Labels and roles that have been a portion of my identity for years. Who am I without some of these labels? I don’t know.

Is it BRAVE to find out? I don’t know. I hope so, because it’s the journey we’re on. There are so many good things happening. Exciting advancements for me at Purdue. Watching our oldest transition to Purdue like a champ. Our 14 year-old tackling honors and college credits with a dogged determination that reminds me of me. Our youngest two flourishing as they delight their new teachers.

Maybe I don’t feel BRAVE in change, but maybe I am anyway. Maybe it’s enough to step into the unknown with shaking knees and quivering hands. I’m grateful others can see it and speak life into my weakness. Maybe then I’ll begin to believe this is BRAVE, because it was the step of faith into the unknown.

Delayed Justice releases on October 16th. Because you’ve been a faithful follower, I wanted to offer you a special opportunity. If you preorder Delayed Justice by October 1 (ebook or print), email that receipt to me at cara@caraputman.com. Include your mailing address if you’re in the United States, and I’ll mail you a copy of Cherry Blossom Capers which has Dying for Love in it. If you are one of my international friends, I’ll email you a copy of Dying for Love or Hidden Love.