This is going to be a post that if you’re looking for happy, bubbly Cara, you might need to come back next week. I’m exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally. And I have a feeling it will show.
I wish I remembered who made this, because it’s beautiful.
There’s a situation in my life that has drained me of hope. It doesn’t really matter what the situation is, all that matters is that it is. Know what I mean?
So at two this morning when I couldn’t sleep despite my exhaustion, I was journaling and crying and begging God, “Where are You? Why do I feel like I’m bleeding and I can’t find you?”
Maybe you’ve had a season that’s held a similar heart’s cry as a rallying point.
My head knows God is here. My head knows God is faithful. My head knows God is a good Father. But my heart isn’t feeling it. My heart is numb. As I read through my journal from the last months, there’s just such emotional weariness. So I’m intentionally mining for hope, because it’s not resting on the surface of my life.
Maybe you’re in a similar place. Hope seems so elusive and illusory. To hope is to “Trust in, wait for, look for, or desire something or someone; or to expect something beneficial in the future.” (See this website.) Without a vision the people perish. (Proverbs 29:18). Without hope life becomes hard. The fog that surrounds our next steps makes movement scary and filled with fear. But I know that’s not where God wants me (us) to live.
God promises that when we place our hope in Him, we will not be disappointed (Isaiah 49:23). He promises that His eyes are on those who fear Him and hope in His unfailing love. (Psalm 33:18). David also asks in that Psalm “May Your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in You.” (Psalm 33:22). There’s an action there. I have to place my hope in the Lord. How can I do that when I don’t feel hope? Is this a fake it till you make it scenario? Or is there something deeper? These are the kinds of questions I’m wrestling with right now.
And then I read Romans 5:5 (MSG) which states, “We find ourselves standing whee we always hoped we might stand–out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.” This is where I usually live. This is where I want to live again. Standing tall in my identity in Christ, shouting His praise at the top of my lungs. Because, as the NIV puts in it that verse, “Hope does not disappoint because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.”
So today, I may not feel hope. But I’m choosing to believe God can give it to me today. That over the dark of night, I’ll begin to see the sliver of sunlight cresting the horizon. That today I will be one step closer to living out of a place of hope.
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Hi Cara. Thanks for being real and sharing your struggle, as well as your faith. God is our “living hope” and our “anchor for the soul” and I pray that He will restore your hope and renew your weary soul. May He bless you abundantly this day and in the coming days. I love the phrase “mining for hope”…yes, sometimes we have to really dig deeper to find it. This life can be so hard at times, but God is faithful and He will never let the righteous fall. May you feel His loving presence this day!
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Thanks, Amy. I so appreciate the prayers. That prayer is perfect. Have a blessed day!
Beautiful! Thanks for your honesty. I know that place of exhaustion and hopelessness well, of learning to cling to God when everything is falling down around you. And I’ve learned that being honest about it is critical. In fact, most of one of my blogs (https://lovehealme.blogspot.com) is about that – about crying out to Him honestly and falling down at His feet and trusting that He will hold me and carry me through the trials. Hang in there. He is faithful, even when it hurts. The pain and trials have a way of purifying our faith and our trust in Him, in ways that comfort never could. I just wish it didn’t hurt so much sometimes. Thank God that someday He will make all things right again and work our messes into something beautiful and eternally-rewarding. That is some real hope! Saying a prayer for you.
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Those truths are what I’m clinging to. Thank you, Heather. Off to read your blog!
Cara,
This reminds me of the verse in Psalm 42:11. “Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.”
It also reminded me of a song.
Casting Crowns – Oh My Soul (Official Lyric Video) – YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjNZf878ISQ
Check it out some time.
Also…..The graphic is one I made a while back before I was putting my logo on them. You should check out my Facebook page, each day this month I’ve been posting graphics of verses God lays on my heart and they all have something to do with hope.
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Marilyn, that’s right! It’s beautiful! I will definitely come check out the others you’re making.
I appreciate your honesty and your willingness to share. You are wise to be renewing your mind with what you know to be true. It might help to check out Daring to Hope by Katie Davis Majors. She went through something similar and you might find it encouraging. Praying for you.
I’m there right now. Hope is elusive. I keep thinking of the verse in Proverbs about “hope deferred makes the heart sick.” Struggling, wrestling to find hope, to exercise it, to hold on. Thank you for your honesty. I needed to read this. I do believe we’ll find hope, and we’ll get through our dark valleys. But while we’re in them … yeah, it’s tough. Praying for you.
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Stacy, thank you for your comment. It’s encouraging to know I’m not alone and that these words helped you. Praying for you, too.