Last week as I was digging through old posts, I found this one. The eerie thing is I could write it almost word for word today with the same soul, deep longing. God has had me on a path of deconstruction for the last year, and I feel like we may just be turning the corner to reconstruction. I can almost see His light again. And in the light…I hear these same words. Maybe you do, too.

When you’re a Type A by nature, REST isn’t a word that fits in your vocabulary. It’s a word that you wonder at as you rush through your day, day after day, praying you’ll have enough time to get everything finished before the next day begins.

You pray for the grace to get through a day and thriving — not simply surviving.

I have lived most of my life at this pace.

God created me with a deep drive and innate desire to not waste one precious moment that He gifted to me. I live in fear? Maybe. But definitely deep concern that I not waste one moment of my life — wait a minute while I play a round of Blitz on my phone — yet even as I joke, I recognize myability to rest is infinitesimally small.

My idea of me time is more often heading to a work-out class where I sweat and stretch and pant for an hour than a quiet hour curled up in a chair. Even when I’m curled up with a book, there’s a work element to it. Reading a book under deadline for endorsement. Studying a business book for a class I’m taking. Reading to help influence for a friend. Even in my favorite hobby I find deep threads of work and achievement.

Then there is the quiet whisper deep in my soul. Rest, My daughter.

Doesn’t He understand that I don’t know how. After all, He created me this way. With this drive, this passion, this inability to sit and relax completely, totally, devotedly.

And yet Love whispers rest.

How am I to reconcile these two deep desires?

My head states: There simply aren’t enough hours to get everything done. How am I supposed to rest?

Love says: For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light (Matthew 11:30)

My head acknowledges: God made me this way. He isn’t surprised that I tackle the world.

Love whispers: Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. (Psalm 37:7)

My heart worries: If I don’t do enough the world will fall apart around me.

Love reminds: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7-8)

My head and my heart aren’t as consistently in line with Love’s reminders as I’d hope. My prayer is that God would continue to mold and develop me. And in the whispers of His voice, that my soul would sink into rest. That I would fully embrace His love and His promises for me.

What wisdom have you gleaned about letting rest soak into your life?